so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
