She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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