He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
