Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
