Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
