You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
