If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
