If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
