i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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