Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
