The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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