I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
