She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
