That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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