They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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