Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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