saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
