I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
