I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize