How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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