i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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