He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
