I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
