Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
