I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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