First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
