I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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