So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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