I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
