im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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