my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
