ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
