I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
