maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
