I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
