Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
