I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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