I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
