I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
