We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
