Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
