On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
