Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
