I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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