god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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