Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
