And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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