just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
