I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
