I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
