Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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