I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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