Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
