I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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