We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
