dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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