No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The Olympian is in my bed
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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