What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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