didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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