Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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