Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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