Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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