You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
