I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
