Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
