apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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