I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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