I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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