umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
