Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
