I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
