This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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